The 'Selfish' Mother
The Industrial Revolution that occurred in Europe and the US in the 1800s was just the starting point of the women's rights revolution. During that time, more and more women joined the workforce and started getting jobs that were reserved for men previously. Women were also allowed to further their studies at certain universities.
However, despite the on-going improvement being made in regards to women's livelihood, the communities around them are still bound by traditional notions. Notions that unfortunately subjugate women and reduce their worth to the deliciousness of the foods they cook and their talents as a homemaker.
I'd very much like to believe that this concept has been somewhat eradicated over the past century, but unfortunately, it hasn't. It only refined its victim - the working mother.
I was 20 years old when I gave birth to my first child. I had two choices at the time - go back to school or work. I chose the latter. I became a single mom just a month after I gave birth so it's my responsibility to provide my child with the best that I can and I refuse to hand that responsibility over to my dad.
Being a single working mom at a very young age taught me a lot of things with regards to people's perceptions, one being that women who 'abandon' their kids to babysitters during their working hours are not very good mothers. In fact, I will go so far as to say we've been called a selfish lot for wanting to have a career or just for having to work to fend for our kids and ourselves. I say to these people, go fuck yourself.
Yes, we enjoy working. We enjoy learning new things. We enjoy being independent and having our own money and the ability to take care of our kids and ourselves. But as mothers, do you think we enjoy leaving our kids behind 5 fucking days a week to our maids/babysitters? No, we don't. It breaks me every time my kid asks "Mommy, do you have to go to work today?" and I have to disappoint her and say yes to that question.
I think the worst thing about it is the fact that people often pit the working moms against homemaker moms. I've been both and I must say, both come with its own set of challenges. Comparing one to the other is not going to do any good for anyone. I believe that homemakers are also career women in a league of their own.
We as a community must learn to support mothers who are struggling every day to make it work. If you can't give any physical support, at least have some empathy and stop judging. A passing remark may seem harmless to those who aren't in our shoes, but it can affect us emotionally and make us feel inadequate when we're really just trying our best in juggling our responsibilities.
The next time you see a mom struggling, please, just try to be kind. It helps.
The Working Mother,
SFK
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